So Queens Crap had an alarmist update earlier this week about MS-13 graffiti on a construction site in Forest Hills. I didn’t really touch it because the people I hear going on and on about MS-13 tend to be apocalyptic loons like Michael “You Should Only Get AIDS and Die, You Pig” Savage, plus isn’t Central American gang graffiti on a construction site as likely to come from undocumented Central American day laborers as from the nearby high school? Anyway, I filed that away until my commute home today, when I saw this artistically tagged on an otherwise unmemorable poster at the 75th Avenue subway station:

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It didn’t get much attention, but the keen transit observers at SubChat have noticed that the G is kaput beyond Court Square once the MTA implements its fare-increase-related service “enhancements.” Of course, you weren’t taking the G anyway, so you don’t really care. Which is why it was cut, I suppose. I still think it was theoretically cool that you could take a single train from Forest Hills to Williamsburg, though like everybody else, I never actually did it.

You may have read about the constant, 24/7 noise stemming from LIRR track work on the forums — if you haven’t experienced it yourself. Passing trains are blaring their horns at all hours, disturbing the sleep and sanity of people who live near the tracks from Kew Gardens all the way to Woodside. But did you know there’s actually something you can do about it? The Train Noise Abatement Association wants you to join up and help stop the insanity. Ah, I know what you’re going to say: “High-minded civic organizations like that can’t do anything.” But this one actually quieted the noise in similar situations in Montauk and my old stomping grounds (if you can call hiding out in the high-school-newspaper office during lunch “stomping”) of Cedarhurst.

If you’ve had enough, e-mail Jack Mevorach at jack@mevorach.com and tell ‘im I sent you.

I’m back! Saint Martin was nice and all, but it’s no Queens. But seriously! It was a fabulous time, the Caribbean Sea (not the beach, the Caribbean Sea) being a few steps down from our two-bedroom, two-and-a-half bath upgraded suite. If you plan on any tropical travel in the near or far future, I highly recommend the Grand Case Beach Club. Trust me on this.

I made one very big mistake: Booking the return flight into Newark. Those of us who live in Central Queens should never fly into Newark for any reason. The late-night car trip back from the airport ran a cool $100 including toll and a generous-but-not-insane tip. And that was the best deal I got after calling three different car services (for the record, the winner was Dial 7, formerly Tel Aviv but changed to attract anti-Semites, I guess).

I learned a few things sitting in the cushy leather back seat on the way home. You can learn them, too, after the jump.

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So yesterday’s subway service interruptions weren’t a Queens thing, obviously. Commuters were stranded throughout the city. But what about this morning, 24 hours later? How’s the system doing? Take it, MTA:

 and  trains are running local in both directions.

,  and   trains are running with extensive delays.

… And that’s it. Good to know that even when everybody suffers, we still suffer longer.

Some years back I lived in Los Angeles for about three months, January through March. There was some culture shock. One thing I always remember really flooring me was coming home after a moderate rainstorm to see the top story on the local evening news: HEAVY RAINS CRIPPLE AREA. The next morning in the venerable L.A. Times, the rain was the top story, plastered across the big broadsheet front page. In Los Angeles, life grinds to an abrupt halt when it rains.

And apparently, so it goes in Queens. When I went to sleep last night — late, around 1:30 — it wasn’t raining. A thunderstorm woke me up around 6:30. By the time I left my apartment for work at 8:20, the rain had already stopped — but so had subway service down the Queens Boulevard line. Is this now going to happen every time we get more than a drizzle? Recent experience would suggest that the answer is an unfortunate yes. Central Queens old-timers say it wasn’t always like this, but I suppose that’s what a decaying infrastructure gets you. Either way, it’s quite unacceptable, and I’m not going to be pleased next year when I pay $90 for an unlimited-ride MetroCard only to not be able to use it twice a month. Subway service interrputions are inevitable, but they should be extremely, extremely rare. Does this happen in London? Paris? Berlin?

However, there is a figurative silver lining to these literal clouds: Unlike last time, the MTA’s slightly more-competitent subsidiary, the Long Island Rail Road, came through. I ignored station announcements encouraging riders to take the Q60 bus (motto: Only 3 short hours to the Upper East Side!) and opted to head over to the LIRR station, where I found free trains running every five minutes. I was at Penn Station in 15. Of course, I had to walk from there because — well, I imagine you know the rest.

I live in Forest Hills in no small part because of the public transportation. Yeah, the morning F train is crowded and stuffy and often crawls through Queens, but it’s an express, it comes often, and on the weekends, it flies. The E and F lines’ convenient inverted L shape gets me to a suprisingly large variety of places I want to go — Midtown, the Theater District, Chelsea, the Village, the LES — without having to change trains. Even if you want to visit Brownstone Brooklyn, sure, it’s a longish trip, but you’ll get there without having to wait God knows how long for a transfer. I work in Midtown East and get to the office in 45 minutes, door to door. My boss lives on the Upper West Side and gets to work in … 45 minutes, door to door.

But sometimes, as anyone around here knows, it’s a little less than great. This past Sunday, I had to get to Chelsea to see my wife’s improv group perform. I gave myself a little under an hour to get there. Simple, right? Well, here’s how my trip went:

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A couple weeks ago, when I got my panties all in a bunch about congestion pricing, it did occur to me that maybe there was a solution for the working-class stiffs from neighborhoods with limited public-transit options who would potentially be forced to pay $40 a week to get into the city. Despite the inconvenience, at least they could drive to Long Island City or Brooklyn Heights, park and take the subway from there.

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I attended the third annual Taste of Forest Hills this Saturday and have been meaning to post a review, but a visit from the in-laws has made me a little strapped for time. In the meantime, I’ll give you this:

Been perusing the notorious PLANYC 2030. Forest Hills 72 was impressed by the routing of Forest Hills LIRR trains into Grand Central, but honestly, I didn’t see much there for Central Queens. I saw a lot of unspectacular numbers (”Driving speeds in Queens will increase by 2%”!) and few details on how to achieve even those modest gains. What did strike me was what the city apparently considers the state of utter disrepair of all our subway stations. If I’m reading this correctly, every single one is listed as “in need of repair” — and as you might have expected, every single one is now scheduled for an overhaul. I’ll believe that when I see it. Hopefully it won’t take until Dec. 31, 2029. But even if 75th Avenue winds up a gleaming jewel of the New York City Transit Authority, I have to ask: What took so long?

Here’s the Queens plan (warning: PDF).

And it’s not good. Central Queens residents seem to hate the plan to charge drivers $8 to enter Manhattan during peak hours. Though I don’t have a car, I can’t say I blame them. I thought it was unfair when I heard about it in London years ago, and I think it’s unfair now. Really, getting from point A to point B should always be free, or at least as inexpensive as possible. Freedom of movement is a basic right, like air or water or universal health care. For this reason, I’m not much of a fan of toll roads, either.

How can you tell congestion pricing is bad for Queens drivers? Simple: Though it’s hailed by environmentalists, party-line liberal Anthony Weiner is against it. Any congressman will tell you, after a few stiff drinks, that kowtowing to the party is a close second, but pandering to the constituents is Job One.

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